Whether you are a survivor or a sufferer, it does not matter. Equally you have been though the mill and equally you deserve to see some light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Yesterday I blogged a list of what you may often hear from your abuser. Well today let’s be more hopeful and write a list of what we should stand up and say. Many of us will never be heard. Many of us still have to find the courage to even say it out loud. It is a start. We need to acknowledge that it was never “our fault”.
- I believe in me
- I am worth something
- My future is important
- Do not overstep my boundaries
- I do not deserve this
- I am allowed to be selfish
- He/She does not have control over my life
- I cannot be restrained by fear
- There are reasons to live
- One day I will be truly happy
- I am allowed to feel anger
- Life will be good
- One day I will get that power back
- I have rights
- What he/she is doing is wrong
- I value my life
- It is the past now
- If I need to call the police – I should
- I feel sorry for him/her
- I am free
- Inspire yourself
- Be the bigger person
- I can walk away
- It is not my fault
- I will not argue with you
- I am human
- You have no claim over me
- I will save myself
- Only I know me
- It is not your life
- Saying what I feel is a God given right
- I have nothing to say to you
- I do not expect nor want anything from you
- I am strong
- I have a voice
- I am not afraid of you
- I make my own choices
- You have no more control
- I am capable of love
- I deserve love
- I do not “owe” you anything
- We are over
- My dreams and ambitions are of worth
- I am a good person
- You did not succeed
- I am not broken
- There are many paths ahead of me
- I am supported
- You lost
Again. There are thousands more.
As Emeli Sande puts it:
You’ve got the words to change a nation but you’re biting your tongue
You’ve spent a lifetime stuck in silence afraid you’ll say something wrong
If no one ever hears it, how we gonna learn your song?
So come on come on, come on come on.
I wanna sing
I wanna shout
I wanna scream till the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers I’m not ashamed
They can read all about it, read all about it.
I say “victim” in inverted commas as I detest the word. I have made the point several times, that we are survivors. Inspired by a video posted on YouTube by an emotional abuse sufferer, I have created my own list of what an abuser’s prey can often be subjected to. Many of these were thrown at me on a daily basis. One on their own does not seem so bad but for many people, they are constantly tormented and cannot escape this abuse. Sarcasm, questioning and indifference play a huge part in verbal and mental abuse.
- I am worth a million of you
- Remind me why you were born?
- You are disgusting
- I can’t believe my child is a moron
- What did I do to deserve you?
- My life used to be good
- I should have stopped having children after your sister
- What’s wrong with your face?
- Be very careful
- I’m watching you
- You will never change
- Here come the tears (!)
- Grow up
- You really are a pathetic creature
- Why has God punished me?
- I say this out of love
- Why do you always hurt me?
- Your words are like poison
- You break everything you touch
- No one likes you
- What man would want to marry you!
- I do not owe you any apologies
- You brought it all on yourself
- There used to be a nice person inside you
- You want me to get angry don’t you
- I’m your father, I don’t have to respect you
- I am the authority
- You are going to drive your future husband to violence – and who can blame him?
- You embarrass me
- I’m ashamed to call you my child
- People are staring at you
- When I die, you’ll get nothing
- This isn’t your house; it’s mine
- Everything you own is mine
- What are you moaning about now?
- All you ever do is lie
- You dare to push me
- Are you challenging me?
- You are always ill!
- What is wrong with you?
- I do not deserve this life
- If I catch you even looking at me………….
- You will be the reason I die early, probably from a heart attack
- Are you throwing all that food away?
- Get out
- You only ever think about yourself
- You are evil
- GET OUT OF MY HOUSE
- You are just like your mother
- I am really going to lose my temper
- It’s your fault I’m angry
- Where is my apology?
- Are you stupid?
- Where have you been?
- Why are you crying, are you a baby?
- You are a failure
- Are you trying to kill me?!
- Even your voice irritates me
- Think before you speak
- I’ll never hit you. You’d love that.
- What is your problem?
- Even your friends hate you
Of course this list is endless. I could write a thousand more.
Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong.