2013 A review: April – June.

APRIL

This month saw many entries on WordPress taken from old journals and diaries I had discovered from the abuser’s home. I looked back on several noted incidents that affected me in some way. I began revealing much more about my father. Not only what he did to me but how he lived his own life, the values he followed and the life choices he made.

April was the first month that I displayed a photograph taken from my father’s house (Post: And he called me “dirty”! April 17th) It showed the awful way in which we both lived. A way that I hated but it was out of my control. My father put many demands and outrageous expectations on me over the years and this photo was just a small example of his control. The five bedroom house was far too much for one person to look after. Especially a young woman with a full time job, friends and a life. I wasn’t allowed “excuses”. I wasn’t allowed a life. My life was indebted to him. I “owed” him for having a life.

On the 20th, I suffered from a severe Asthma attack where I was taken to the emergency room by my neighbour. I received a lot of support and well wishes from the WordPress community. It surprised and moved me that strangers all over the world showed such kindness to someone they had never met. I was not used to that. Thank you.

MAY

May was a busy month for me. In my general life and on WordPress. It was the first time I shared my poetry on my blog with “Control me”, a piece I wrote during the years of severe abuse.

On the 20th on May, I travelled to Madrid, Spain for a five day trip with three of my colleagues and twelve children from work. It was an experience to say the least! I am thrilled to have done it. To be trusted by my superiors and given that responsibility is something I will treasure. The laughs we shared will be remembered forever. It really was a once in a lifetime sort of thing.

The weekend I returned was that of my one year wedding anniversary with David. Although the wedding day itself holds some upsetting memories (a day that I still can’t bring myself to fully blog about with reasons that no one bar David seem to comprehend), it is always going to be the moment I pledged my love and trust to my devoted husband David and that is main reason why our anniversary will be special for the rest of our lives. I wrote you a letter David on our anniversary this year. Here is to many more my love.

The biggest moment of May was when I made the risky decision to “out” some very spiteful girls. Four to be exact as I began a series of posts retelling the story of their betrayals. C & C, H and N were subject to the truth finally coming out. I received many responses to the series. Old school friends and colleagues who understood whom I was referring to offered their support and agreement. Their thoughts were very welcome. However, I did receive one negative comment from a supporter and friend of N. She threatened legal action at my accusations. All I said was the truth. I did not use names, nor did I say exactly where we had known each other from. N’s friend only landed N in it, she basically announced to the world of Facebook who N actually was. She was the one who broke the rules. Her anger embarrassed her and surprisingly, many of our peers from that time spoke out in support for me. She never followed through with her threats.

A coward is much more exposed to quarrels than a man of spirit.
Thomas Jefferson

JUNE

June was a pretty easy month. The weather began to dramatically improve in England and Summer seemed to be fast approaching. I blogged seventeen times this month.

Deliberate Donkey a woman’s story about her journey through domestic violence, generously re-blogged my work. It would be the first time someone had referred to my abuser as a “sociopath” after reading my story. It was a term I began to explore.

http://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/guest-post-freefromhim/

(Scroll up to top of page when opened)

Five days away from David.

From Monday to Friday of this week, I have been away in Madrid on a work trip.

It has been my first five days away from my husband in three years.

Monday:

After a shaky bout of nerves from my fears of travelling and a couple of full-strength sickness pills, we arrived in Madrid, Spain on Monday afternoon. It was raining; so home from home really(!) We were not amused having hoped for sun the previous week. It was warmer though so our happiness was nearly met. The children were happy, weather wasn’t on their mind.

After arriving at the hostel and seeing my prison cell of a bedroom, we headed out to explore the local streets. Our Head of School had been many times before so we were safe hands. The kids loved the beautiful park he took us to, playing for an hour before we went back to unpack.

Back at the hostel, I took my colleagues into my absurd room to show them the strange décor choice the owners had adopted:

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Yes. this thing was genuinely on my bedroom wall. Much to my colleagues amusement.

Tuesday:

After a long lift ride at the Faro of Madrid to see the panoramic view of the city, we left to visit the Prado art gallery with our Comenius partners from Spain. Then after a quick bite we enjoyed a bus tour of Madrid in the glorious sun. I say we, I mean the teachers as the majority of kids had fallen asleep!

Tuesday night and after diving into a sea of Paella, I had a terrible allergic reaction. My throat became scratchy and a rash spread over my face. Thankfully, due to David’s careful and protective packing, I was soothed with some anti-histamines. Good work Dave!

Wednesday:

The heat came and we set off to our partner school on the edge of Madrid. They were wonderful, setting up exciting activities for our children and keeping us entertained throughout the day. They put us to shame, I was very impressed with their kindness and love.

Next was a tour of Santiago Bernabeu Stadium -Real Madrid to the rest of us. To be honest, I am not the biggest football fan. David however is, so I took it upon my duty as a wife to take it in and pay a bit of attention to what I was seeing. My camera was in use most of the time.

The highlight of the visit was eyeing up anything to do with Mr David Beckham- yum!

Evening came and so did the alcohol. Went to bed rather tipsy!

Thursday: 

Hot, hot then even hotter weather. Finally! It had arrived and we all lapped it up. After a lie-in and the first good sleep of the week (we had been kept up the other nights by some rather rowdy, screaming teens), we did a bit of shopping for souvenirs. Later, we headed to the Reina Sofia Gallery to see “Guernica” – Picasso. I love Art. After an afternoon at our favourite park basking in the sun, two of us decided to head back to the hostel to pack. We took two kids with us who wanted to do the same but hilariously got incredibly lost on the streets of Madrid! The other group even returned to the hostel before us. One of the boys with us mentioned that this hour had been one of his “favourite moments of the holiday”. That made me smile.

 Friday: 

Extremely sad to leave. we all wanted to continue our little adventure but sadly it was over and we were greeted back to London with torrential rain!

Welcome home Ros!

See you very soon Madrid, thank you for the memories xx

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Bon voyage!

Au revoir my friends!

Tomorrow I am off to Madrid on a trip with work. Something I’ve never done before so I’m very excited and although we’ll each have a lot of responsibility out there, it’ll be nice to get away.

It’ll also be my first time away from my husband in three years. It’s strange as I would call myself independent and am really looking forward to some time alone. However, David is my best friend, we talk and laugh every day. I feel quite sad that I can’t share this experience with him.

He’ll love it I’m sure!

I’m also slightly frightened of the journey. I have terrible travel sickness usually resulting in fierce migraines. I hate taking off and landing. My hand luggage is packed with mints to preoccupy my mind.

Ultimately, this will be a well deserved break as well as a little adventure.

See you all next week!

R x