Tagged – 11 answers to 11 questions.

Thank you to Krista over at From Food Stamps To A Future for nominating me to answer these questions. Please make sure you check out her blog. Although Krista once suffered at the hands of an abusive husband, she has turned her life around and become an inspiration to us all. Living life with a positive outlook can be difficult when you’ve lived with endless hardship, but not for Krista, she oozes positivity and it’s been a pleasure stopping by her insightful, happy blog.

Number one:

What the most embarrassing thing in your night stand (bedside table for all you Brits)?

I’m sorry Krista but in England we usually have bedside tables that are literally just TABLES. I have one of those therefore nothing embarrassing in it or on it for that matter. Just a fan for the hot weather and a clock. BORING!

Number two:

What is your favourite thing to do on a stormy day?

SLEEP! However with a baby under one that is pretty impossible at the best of times. Before the little one, I’d usually snuggle up on the sofa and watch a good film.

Number three: 

Do you sing in the shower?

No! It might wake the baby!! Haha, not often. I’m more of bath girl myself and baths are for soaking not singing 🙂

Number four:

What’s your favourite book?

The Adventures of Spot? Pop up Peekaboo? Where’s my Monkey? Currently, those are the books I am reading daily. With my daughter. Did I say daily? 🙂 Never really been a big reader of novels but I tend to do most of my reading on-line in blogs, news etc.

Number five:

How many career titles did you have chosen as a child? Did you follow through with any of them?

As a child I loved other children, older and younger. My mother was a teacher and even taught me so I was often surrounded with children. I knew I wanted to work with them which made my mother very happy. Yet it wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I actually pursued it having started off by carving a career in Drama. That was never the right path either as I always wanted to work behind the camera as a teen but my family weren’t overly supportive of my job choices. Instead, it was hoped that I’d follow in my sister’s choice of science. That would never have been the case. I was a creative soul just lost in the unpleasantness.

Number six:

What is the meaning of life from your perspective?

I have no spiritual beliefs so find it hard to answer a question like this. All I can say is that life is a gift and a special one at that. It’s the greatest gift you can give someone. The right to breathe, exist. The right to grow and evolve. It is a magical thing not to be taken for granted.

Number seven: 

Do you prefer fruits, vegetables, or meat?

I am a meat eater and could NEVER be a vegetarian. That’s not to say I don’t like veg. Coming from an Indian background, vegetables are a massive part of our diet so I’ve grown up eating all different kinds. I especially love salads.

Number eight:

Do you write your post on the PC or paper?

I write straight onto the computer. I used to find it hard to get a flow on the screen but now it comes naturally. Practice makes perfect and all that!

Number nine:

Where is your favourite place to shop and why?

I mainly shop in Oxford Circus, Central London especially for shoes and coats (TOPSHOP LADIES – GO. SERIOUSLY!!!). I love Central London as it’s so easy to get around. Once you’re there, everywhere’s accessible by foot. Great shops, great restaurants, great everything.

Number ten:

What is the most exhilarating thing you have ever done?

Calling my abusing father a “Bastard” to his face and not regretting it the moment it passed from my lips. Oh, and revealing everything he did to me finally after keeping it hidden for over twenty years.

Number 11:

Do you have a bucket list?

I used to live like this, you know the twenty things to do before you die or fifteen places in the world you’d like to visit kinda thing? Now things are more simple than that. I just want my marriage to work, my family to grow and to one day feel good about myself. Maybe that’s my bucket list and I will have to let you know whether I fulfil these three wishes in the future.

Nominating,

Here are your questions.

  1. Where is home and are you happy there?
  2. Are you where you thought you’d be in your life right now?
  3. What would you say to your younger self?
  4. Does true love exist? If so, how have you experienced it?
  5. If someone could cook you any meal perfectly, what would you request?
  6. What makes a good friend?
  7. Do you have nightmares, what haunts you?
  8. Where is the one place you would tell someone who’s never travelled to go on holiday?
  9. Do you have a high pain threshold?
  10. Do your dreams feel real, what do they consist of?
  11. Are you a positive person?

I hope these aren’t too time consuming or difficult! Thanks again Krista, it was a fun thing to do on a Sunday afternoon (while baby napped!).

*Image Google*

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Closer to Home.

I saw this clip last night and it really resonated. Seeing a little girl leading a normal life only to have it turned upside down in one quick heartbeat is quite sad. Unfortunately, this is the case for many children all over our planet struggling with the dramatic and soul destroying changes that affect them when it comes to war and disasters. The Syrian Crisis, Afghanistan and the growing crisis in Ukraine are filled with innocent children who do not deserve the life they are having to endure. Our hearts and thoughts belong with them. Please support Save The Children.

Street Harassment

Street Harassment

A friend shared this link on Facebook and of course, relating to my most recent post, it resonated with me. Why should women stand for street “harassment”? This link from The Guardian On-line, highlights that very topic.

I have my strategies as so many other women do to feel safe. I often put headphones in my ears but switch my music off. That way, I look preoccupied but I’m totally aware. If I need to find safety or somewhere public to wait – I can. To them, I look unaware and an easy target. For me, I’m completely on guard.

How bizarre that I see two articles (including my own) in one night on this very subject. It just emphasises how current and common this topic is right now.

It’s quite sad that we are living in the 21st century and times still remain so backward.

Link to my Facebook Page.

To all my followers:

I have finally (after over a year) customized my WordPress Page! As of now, there is a link on my blog sidebar to the Facebook page I created at the beginning of the year – Share and Aware. It is a chance for you all to share and for me to bring the subject of emotional abuse to a clearer light. PLEASE, take some time to check it out. It would be greatly appreciated 🙂

(Being a member of Facebook would help too!)

What survivors and sufferers should say.

Whether you are a survivor or a sufferer, it does not matter. Equally you have been though the mill and equally you deserve to see some light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Yesterday I blogged a list of what you may often hear from your abuser. Well today let’s be more hopeful and write a list of what we should stand up and say. Many of us will never be heard. Many of us still have to find the courage to even say it out loud. It is a start. We need to acknowledge that it was never “our fault”.

  • I believe in me
  • I am worth something
  • My future is important
  • Do not overstep my boundaries
  • I do not deserve this
  • I am allowed to be selfish
  • He/She does not have control over my life
  • I cannot be restrained by fear
  • There are reasons to live
  • One day I will be truly happy
  • I am allowed to feel anger
  • Life will be good
  • One day I will get that power back
  • I have rights
  • NO
  • What he/she is doing is wrong
  • I value my life
  • It is the past now
  • If I need to call the police – I should
  • I feel sorry for him/her
  • I am free
  • Inspire yourself
  • Be the bigger person
  • I can walk away
  • It is not my fault
  • I will not argue with you
  • I am human
  • You have no claim over me
  • I will save myself
  • Only I know me
  • It is not your life
  • Saying what I feel is a God given right
  • I have nothing to say to you
  • I do not expect nor want anything from you
  • I am strong
  • I have a voice
  • I am not afraid of you
  • I make my own choices
  • You have no more control
  • I am capable of love
  • I deserve love
  • I do not “owe” you anything
  • STOP
  • We are over
  • My dreams and ambitions are of worth
  • I am a good person
  • You did not succeed
  • ENOUGH
  • I am not broken
  • There are many paths ahead of me
  • I am supported
  • You lost
  • Goodbye

Again. There are thousands more.

As Emeli Sande puts it:

You’ve got the words to change a nation but you’re biting your tongue

You’ve spent a lifetime stuck in silence afraid you’ll say something wrong

If no one ever hears it, how we gonna learn your song?

So come on come on, come on come on.

I wanna sing

I wanna shout

I wanna scream till the words dry out

So put it in all of the papers I’m not ashamed

They can read all about it, read all about it.

What a “victim” will often hear.

I say “victim” in inverted commas as I detest the word. I have made the point several times, that we are survivors. Inspired by a video posted on YouTube by an emotional abuse sufferer, I have created my own list of what an abuser’s prey can often be subjected to. Many of these were thrown at me on a daily basis. One on their own does not seem so bad but for many people, they are constantly tormented and cannot escape this abuse. Sarcasm, questioning and indifference play a huge part in verbal and mental abuse.

  • I am worth a million of you
  • Remind me why you were born?
  • You are disgusting
  • I can’t believe my child is a moron
  • What did I do to deserve you?
  • My life used to be good
  • I should have stopped having children after your sister
  • What’s wrong with your face?
  • Be very careful
  • I’m watching you
  • You will never change
  • Idiot!
  • Here come the tears (!)
  • Grow up
  • You really are a pathetic creature
  • Why has God punished me?
  • I say this out of love
  • Why do you always hurt me?
  • Your words are like poison
  • You break everything you touch
  • No one likes you
  • What man would want to marry you!
  • I do not owe you any apologies
  • You brought it all on yourself
  • There used to be a nice person inside you
  • You want me to get angry don’t you
  • I’m your father, I don’t have to respect you
  • I am the authority
  • You are going to drive your future husband to violence – and who can blame him?
  • You embarrass me
  • I’m ashamed to call you my child
  • People are staring at you
  • When I die, you’ll get nothing
  • This isn’t your house; it’s mine
  • Everything you own is mine
  • What are you moaning about now?
  • All you ever do is lie
  • You dare to push me
  • Are you challenging me?
  • Pig!
  • You are always ill!
  • What is wrong with you?
  • I do not deserve this life
  • If I catch you even looking at me………….
  • You will be the reason I die early, probably from a heart attack
  • Are you throwing all that food away?
  • Get out
  • You only ever think about yourself
  • You are evil
  • GET OUT OF MY HOUSE
  • You are just like your mother
  • I am really going to lose my temper
  • It’s your fault I’m angry
  • Where is my apology?
  • Well?
  • Are you stupid?
  • Move
  • Where have you been?
  • Why are you crying, are you a baby?
  • You are a failure
  • Are you trying to kill me?!
  • Even your voice irritates me
  • Think before you speak
  • I’ll never hit you. You’d love that.
  • What is your problem?
  • Imbecile!
  • Even your friends hate you

Of course this list is endless. I could write a thousand more.

Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau

2013 A review: April – June.

APRIL

This month saw many entries on WordPress taken from old journals and diaries I had discovered from the abuser’s home. I looked back on several noted incidents that affected me in some way. I began revealing much more about my father. Not only what he did to me but how he lived his own life, the values he followed and the life choices he made.

April was the first month that I displayed a photograph taken from my father’s house (Post: And he called me “dirty”! April 17th) It showed the awful way in which we both lived. A way that I hated but it was out of my control. My father put many demands and outrageous expectations on me over the years and this photo was just a small example of his control. The five bedroom house was far too much for one person to look after. Especially a young woman with a full time job, friends and a life. I wasn’t allowed “excuses”. I wasn’t allowed a life. My life was indebted to him. I “owed” him for having a life.

On the 20th, I suffered from a severe Asthma attack where I was taken to the emergency room by my neighbour. I received a lot of support and well wishes from the WordPress community. It surprised and moved me that strangers all over the world showed such kindness to someone they had never met. I was not used to that. Thank you.

MAY

May was a busy month for me. In my general life and on WordPress. It was the first time I shared my poetry on my blog with “Control me”, a piece I wrote during the years of severe abuse.

On the 20th on May, I travelled to Madrid, Spain for a five day trip with three of my colleagues and twelve children from work. It was an experience to say the least! I am thrilled to have done it. To be trusted by my superiors and given that responsibility is something I will treasure. The laughs we shared will be remembered forever. It really was a once in a lifetime sort of thing.

The weekend I returned was that of my one year wedding anniversary with David. Although the wedding day itself holds some upsetting memories (a day that I still can’t bring myself to fully blog about with reasons that no one bar David seem to comprehend), it is always going to be the moment I pledged my love and trust to my devoted husband David and that is main reason why our anniversary will be special for the rest of our lives. I wrote you a letter David on our anniversary this year. Here is to many more my love.

The biggest moment of May was when I made the risky decision to “out” some very spiteful girls. Four to be exact as I began a series of posts retelling the story of their betrayals. C & C, H and N were subject to the truth finally coming out. I received many responses to the series. Old school friends and colleagues who understood whom I was referring to offered their support and agreement. Their thoughts were very welcome. However, I did receive one negative comment from a supporter and friend of N. She threatened legal action at my accusations. All I said was the truth. I did not use names, nor did I say exactly where we had known each other from. N’s friend only landed N in it, she basically announced to the world of Facebook who N actually was. She was the one who broke the rules. Her anger embarrassed her and surprisingly, many of our peers from that time spoke out in support for me. She never followed through with her threats.

A coward is much more exposed to quarrels than a man of spirit.
Thomas Jefferson

JUNE

June was a pretty easy month. The weather began to dramatically improve in England and Summer seemed to be fast approaching. I blogged seventeen times this month.

Deliberate Donkey a woman’s story about her journey through domestic violence, generously re-blogged my work. It would be the first time someone had referred to my abuser as a “sociopath” after reading my story. It was a term I began to explore.

http://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/guest-post-freefromhim/

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