Popular, I want to be popular!

As the song from WICKED The Musical goes: “Popular, you’re gonna be popular!”

Now into my early thirties. I am certainly less needy when it comes to friendships. Gone is the want to be popular but that is just me. That is not to say I am not witness to grown women desperate for the title of ‘Little Miss Popular’. In fact I am witness to it right now. A small cohort is forming before me. It doesn’t seem to matter what age you are. Twenties, thirties, even sixties. My mother has seen it happen to the people around her within the last ten years and even recently many of her friendship dynamics have changed.

Why the need to be liked by everyone?

Yes. I am one who doesn’t enjoy being disliked but I am realistic. I am not everyone’s cup of tea and have, within the last few years, I have certainly felt that happen. You cannot be best buds with everyone. It isn’t possible. Yet there are people out there who cannot cope with the idea of not being liked, they need to be popular.

Well what is ‘popular’?

Define it. Well the dictionary deems it as:

pop·u·lar

adjective

1.

regarded with favour, approval, or affection by people in general: a popular preacher.
The movies portray it as someone who’s fashionable, fun, attractive, confident and borderline conceited. On the other side the most popular characters seem to have the most obvious faults and problems. There is the reality.
To me being popular is a combination of the two. It is common nature to want people to like you but to what extent do you go to to get that. I cannot trust someone who longs for popularity. That person is flaky and never truly anyone’s friend. The bounce back and forth like a tennis ball, never forming honest bonds and the people (or should I say sheep) around them allow it because they are also desperate for popularity too.
  • In ‘Grease’, Sandy becomes the epitome of beautiful and popular when she changes her entire appearance. She gets the guy and the respect from her fellow females.
  • In ‘Mean Girls’, Cady pretends to be popular by adhering to their rules and essentially dumbing herself down to fit in. Eventually she begins to like the new her. Well what does that say about popularity?
  • In ‘She’s All That’, another ‘transformation’ story, Laney Boggs is a renowned geek and ugly duckling until her date’s sister transforms her into a beautiful swan. Only then is she popular.
Of course, in two of these movies, the girls come to a frank and bitter revelation by the end realising that popularity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
If only it were like that in real life eh?
   
*Courtesy of Google*
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Dear Mum.

Dear Mum,

Who would have predicted our relationship to become what it has? Certainly not me. I am incredibly thankful that we both were able to forget the past and forgive the pain we caused each other. I know we made foolish mistakes and sadly, I will live with that regret long after you will have gone from my life.

I worry about that day. The day I eventually lose you. I think about it unnecessarily. It often haunts me. The fear is consuming as I think about the emptiness I will feel. You will berate me for it but all those wasted years of anger and stubbornness will echo louder than ever on the day we say goodbye. I am truly sorry I did not see through his lies. I regret so much. I should have listened to you but his control was so powerful. I was a puppet to him that he commanded and manipulated for his will. Undeniably, I trusted him; he was my father after all.

You hated me once.

I know it was hate.

The day I ran away and left that torrid note. The note that you and I will never forget. I remember the words, some of them at least. Saying “sorry” was not enough for my actions but there were no other words. I felt trapped. He was so convincing. He knew the game he was playing very well and I became a pawn in it. Helpless. Don’t forget, I was only fifteen. It is still young and my innocent soul was struggling to stay in reality. He had won his pathetic competition the second I walked out of your house. 

I cannot bear to think of what that did to you. Coming home to find me gone. My things, my clothes, my presence – gone. My note remained, left to be discovered on the kitchen counter. Hate doesn’t come close. What I did was detrimental to your breakdown and I know the blame falls on me. Yet, although I understand why, I cannot agree with all the comments you and my sister made towards me. I did not do it to hurt you. I did what I thought was right at the time. I did what he had convinced me to do. I truly believed your love for her was stronger and the only reason you wanted me was to spite my dad. 

You had become a stranger to me.

No longer were you my protector. The strong woman who nurtured and guarded me from harm. I did not feel safe with you. To me, you were volatile, risky. Both of you were. You and my sister became frightening. A powerful, intimidating duo. I looked for warmth, for love, for the kindness within you but your anger and hostility towards him was far more substantial. I could not break through your hardened exterior.

You mocked me.

You both did.

It hurt Ma. It hurt so much. I loved you. That never changed. Yet, you both used my hurt against me. 

I am so glad we got through that. Change can happen. We are proof of it.

To think that the woman I ran from all those years ago would be the same woman I have run to now.

Thank you Ma,

Love Tuni (your nickname for me) xxxx

Cervical Screenings: Drop the Age!

After the upsetting and tragic news that a nineteen year old girl from the UK died last week from Cervical Cancer, there has been an unprecedented amount of support flooding in for the age of smear tests to be reduced from 25. Sophie Jones was initially diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease after suffering from debilitating stomach pains. However, having been refused a smear test because she was too young, her actual diagnosis of cancer went unnoticed. Sadly, it was too late when doctors finally discovered the cancer late last year.

I have signed the petition and urge you all to do the same. Please, whether you are British or Worldwide, this is a very alarming and worrying cause. Although it is of low risk for a woman of under 25 to develop Cervical Cancer, it is still a risk. It can happen.

http://submissions.epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/62385

The trend on Facebook at the moment is to post a no make-up selfie and donate £3 to Cancer Research. Suffering from BDD, I have held back. However, even I know this a good cause.

Girls: Let’s make a difference to women everywhere.

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Sunny in London.

Sunny in London.

Finally! Well, for what has seemed like an eternity of rain for us, we welcome the sunshine gladly. London and all over the country, is celebrating a turn of fabulous weather. I definitely feel better around sunshine. It doesn’t need to be hot but everybody needs a bit of sun. Not just for the vitamin D but for our own sanity! Rain, cold and grey weather for months on end is enough to push anyone over the edge. Why does bad weather equate miserable life? I took this photo of David (my husband) in our garden earlier. The bright rays of sun beaming down reflect how beautiful it really is today AND we are very lucky to have this for the rest of the week.
With the sun out, nothing seems so bad right?
Happy Spring guys xx

Eye Opener.

A dusting of black

A want to cover you

extend my long arm

decorate

femininity

gentle strokes of darkness

open your eyes

wide and bright

lets illuminate your face

and draw people in

magical

mysterious

enchanting with feathered flutters

I entangle and separate

unravel each strand

elongate

elaborate

blackened fibres brush

through delicate hairs

almonds enlarged

symmetrical

beautiful.

Google Images

A new low for self image.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-25962930

Just look a this. It’s a sad portrayal of what women in Venezuela have to endure to be accepted and valued. Women, who are beautiful in their own right, are being made to feel worthless by a man. Mmmm, that is not an unfamiliar feeling for me. However, this man should know better but he uses his power to degrade and criticise naturally beautiful women to make them change and alter their looks to the extreme.

This programme (shown last night on the BBC in Britain) tells the story of several Venezuelan women on their quest to be crowned Miss Venezuela. It intensely worries me that women are encouraged to amend their appearance from such an early age. Many of these women are ‘persuaded’ to have breast enlargements, nose jobs, liposuction and even (and more disturbingly) have a ‘mesh’ sewn onto their tongue to stop them from eating solids. It’s ludicrous!

Women everywhere are fighting to be heard, we are fighting to be respected. Our natural beauty should be praised not judged. I suffer from low self-esteem, I have many insecurities about my appearance. I can’t imagine living like that. In a society where my body, my face, my beauty is constantly monitored and criticised. A world where ambition is fading and women are seen to have no real purpose, other than to be “beautiful”.

We were never meant to all look the same. We should be nurturing individuality not distinguishing it.

Say it together.

We are beautiful girls.

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Just as we are.

Ros xx