Two Years of Marriage!

10402845_10152088427397066_4991539263682740811_nHappy anniversary to me! Hehe. David and I have been celebrating our two year wedding anniversary today in Central London. A lot has happened in two years. Some difficult things and plenty of changes but mostly our love has grown stronger. That is all I could ever ask for. I suppose the most exciting thing of all is that we are now expecting our first child together (today marks the 4 month mark!).

I can’t say the weather in London today has echoed the day we got married. On the 26th of May 2012, we were incredibly lucky to be graced with temperatures in the early 30 degrees centigrade. Today has been one of the wettest days of late however. Nevertheless, we did not let it spoil our day.

David had booked, in advance, a “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” themed afternoon tea at One Aldwych Hotel in The Strand, London. Decadent does not cover it! It was beautiful. I recommend it if you are or can get to London any time. It’s a great opportunity to feel like a big kid and if I was not pregnant I would have definitely opted for the magical, bubbling cocktail they offered! Ah well. Next time. There’s always a next time!

Afternoon tea10301294_10152088431317066_229691932224461312_n10410390_10152088430402066_7726851178556680906_n

Advertisements

6 years with the man I love.

And yes, another year and I’m apologising to my hubby for not having the time to buy him a card for our anniversary. I am a bit of a useless wife in that regard! He knows I love him. So, to embarrass him a little, I want to blog about my husband, (keeping this as far from gushing and sickening as I can).

David:

Thank you for the last 6 years. You are the only man I have ever truly loved. Your open heart loved me so easily and although it is still a battle for me to surrender and open myself up completely to you, I am grateful for the journey you have taken me on. You are my best friend. Your loving arms and radiant warmth protects me. I know I can be ‘difficult’, I’m sorry for that. Even though I am apologising, you never see this as a fault. Instead another part of me that you love. Thank you. I love you too.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu

2013 A review: April – June.

APRIL

This month saw many entries on WordPress taken from old journals and diaries I had discovered from the abuser’s home. I looked back on several noted incidents that affected me in some way. I began revealing much more about my father. Not only what he did to me but how he lived his own life, the values he followed and the life choices he made.

April was the first month that I displayed a photograph taken from my father’s house (Post: And he called me “dirty”! April 17th) It showed the awful way in which we both lived. A way that I hated but it was out of my control. My father put many demands and outrageous expectations on me over the years and this photo was just a small example of his control. The five bedroom house was far too much for one person to look after. Especially a young woman with a full time job, friends and a life. I wasn’t allowed “excuses”. I wasn’t allowed a life. My life was indebted to him. I “owed” him for having a life.

On the 20th, I suffered from a severe Asthma attack where I was taken to the emergency room by my neighbour. I received a lot of support and well wishes from the WordPress community. It surprised and moved me that strangers all over the world showed such kindness to someone they had never met. I was not used to that. Thank you.

MAY

May was a busy month for me. In my general life and on WordPress. It was the first time I shared my poetry on my blog with “Control me”, a piece I wrote during the years of severe abuse.

On the 20th on May, I travelled to Madrid, Spain for a five day trip with three of my colleagues and twelve children from work. It was an experience to say the least! I am thrilled to have done it. To be trusted by my superiors and given that responsibility is something I will treasure. The laughs we shared will be remembered forever. It really was a once in a lifetime sort of thing.

The weekend I returned was that of my one year wedding anniversary with David. Although the wedding day itself holds some upsetting memories (a day that I still can’t bring myself to fully blog about with reasons that no one bar David seem to comprehend), it is always going to be the moment I pledged my love and trust to my devoted husband David and that is main reason why our anniversary will be special for the rest of our lives. I wrote you a letter David on our anniversary this year. Here is to many more my love.

The biggest moment of May was when I made the risky decision to “out” some very spiteful girls. Four to be exact as I began a series of posts retelling the story of their betrayals. C & C, H and N were subject to the truth finally coming out. I received many responses to the series. Old school friends and colleagues who understood whom I was referring to offered their support and agreement. Their thoughts were very welcome. However, I did receive one negative comment from a supporter and friend of N. She threatened legal action at my accusations. All I said was the truth. I did not use names, nor did I say exactly where we had known each other from. N’s friend only landed N in it, she basically announced to the world of Facebook who N actually was. She was the one who broke the rules. Her anger embarrassed her and surprisingly, many of our peers from that time spoke out in support for me. She never followed through with her threats.

A coward is much more exposed to quarrels than a man of spirit.
Thomas Jefferson

JUNE

June was a pretty easy month. The weather began to dramatically improve in England and Summer seemed to be fast approaching. I blogged seventeen times this month.

Deliberate Donkey¬†a woman’s story about her journey through domestic violence, generously re-blogged my work. It would be the first time someone had referred to my abuser as a “sociopath” after reading my story. It was a term I began to explore.

http://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/guest-post-freefromhim/

(Scroll up to top of page when opened)

Dear David.

Dear David,

sorry I couldn’t get you a card. I was in Madrid all week and it totally slipped my mind. Does that make me a bad wife? I just wanted you to know something. You said to me that marrying me was the “best thing” you ever did. Well meeting you has changed my life. We aren’t the soppiest of people but I know how much I love you. I may not be overly affectionate in public but I will never hide my feelings for you. You are the kindest, most genuine man I have ever known. You are my best friend.

Thank you for your support over the years. I know it must be hard for you, stepping into my traumatic life and discovering new, shameful truths in my family. You have not judged me or questioned me. You have been so understanding especially during this last year. Our first year of marriage should have been amazing and romantic. Instead, we have had to deal with so much. Life has been hard, it has been a struggle and you have held my hand so tightly through it all.

I am sorry I can be standoffish, hurtful sometimes. I often think I don’t deserve you. I promise not to close up and keep things concealed. I will be open with you always. I never want to worry you as I know you often do. I want you to be able to feel calm and that our life together will be filled with happiness, that I will be strong with whatever faces me and that you will continue to be the wonderful husband that you are.

Life will be good darling.

Happy 1 year wedding anniversary.

I love you with all my heart.

R xx