Quintet of Radiance Award.

Thank you to Amy over at sweetmarie9619.wordpress.com/‎  for this nomination. Again! Words fail me as I am bowled over by her support.

abc-award

inner-peace-award

most-influential-blogger

sunshine-award

versatile-blogger-nominations

So here I am describing myself through each letter of the alphabet as told, this won’t be easy to be so positive about myself! But I will accept the challenge:

Assertive

British

Creative

Dreamer

Emotional

Fashionable

Genuine

Hot

Idealistic

Jokey

Kind

Loving

Motherly

Non-violent

Observant

Positive

Quiet

Relaxed

Short

True

Unbiased

Vibrant

Womanly

eXotic (Ha ha! Cheat!)

Yearning

Zesty

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My nominations are:

http://illicitbynature.com

http://armyofangels2013.wordpress.com

http://teensurvivorofdomesticviolence.wordpress.com

http://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WordPress nomination 2.

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Sending thanks to a fellow blogger/new friend from the blog Picking Up The Pieces,  http://sweetmarie9619.wordpress.com/author/sweetmarie9619/ for this nomination! As I have never been “freshly pressed” on WordPress (apparently, this is more of an accolade for writers who are “made” and popular). The majority of the WordPress community are aspiring bloggers with inspiring stories of wit, soul and honesty. It is lovely to see an award for writers that want recognition from their fellow bloggers, who seek support and gain an insight into other peoples’ lives so that they can have a greater impact on their own.

Thank you Amy (Picking up the Pieces) for your nomination. Her story is quite frankly an inspiration. She, and many others on WordPress, have overcome such horrors in her past. She writes so effortlessly and eloquently, telling her story of domestic abuse. She humbles me and to be given such an honour by her truly makes me smile.

I have been blogging on WordPress for thirteen months now. It was something I had wanted to do for a very long time. I just did not have the courage before. I had kept my past hidden from almost everyone in my present. Of course, family and close friends knew parts, but never to the extent that I have revealed on here. My father was my abuser. He controlled my life. He monitored my movements and held an enormous reign of power over my mind. Mentally, verbally and emotionally, my father tore me apart for thirty years. It was only until his death in 2012 (three months after my wedding) that I felt it was time to tell the truth. Blogging has allowed me to do that. It has allowed me to feel free. The support and faith from my fellow bloggers has been overwhelming. I have had many people question and attack my decision to come forward. Only recently, I was accused of being a fake and that my story of abuse was “self-indulgent”, that because I do not have physical scars or bruises over my body, I could not call what happened to me abuse. The response I received from more respectful bloggers, from my new friends and kind strangers (especially those who have suffered emotional abuse) was phenomenal. Thank you.

It is still a struggle to feel worthy but through your love and immense kindness, I am starting to feel that my father may have been wrong about me. I can be loved.

My journey did not necessarily begin with the expectation that I would reach other victims of abuse. I would never have hoped that another blogger and survivor of emotional abuse would call me “inspiring”. That to me was unheard of. But to be able to reach out and have someone sit up and say, “That’s what is happening to me.” To have someone, one person, realise that they have been emotionally abused and that all along they were right to think something was wrong, will mean more to me than anything. There are many survivors out there, haunted by their past and on the slow and lonely road to recovery. We are here for you. I am here for you. We should not have to suffer alone. WordPress is an opening to many, a chance to scream and be heard without judgement. Thank you to my loyal readers who let me vent without criticism, who join me in my journey to reach a state of peace and happiness in myself. Too many of us have been burned. You have all cushioned my fall this past year and any time I feel like it may be too much, I come to my blog, look through these kind comments and realise that my father never won. I did.

I would love to be on Freshly Pressed. It would be an honour.

Here are the blogs I want to present this award to:

http://paininhidingabuse.wordpress.com/

http://iwonttakeit.wordpress.com

http://isadoore.wordpress.com

http://sheddinglightondarkness.wordpress.com

http://masknolonger.wordpress.com

Rules for Nominees:

1. Select the blog(s) you think deserve the “The I’m NOT Featured On Freshly Pressed Award”.

2. Write a blog post and tell us the blog(s) you have chosen- there are no minimum or maximum number of blogs required- and ‘present’ the blog(s) with their award.

3. Include in your blog post a paragraph about why you’d like to be on WordPress’ Freshly Pressed OR a paragraph on why you couldn’t care less about Freshly Pressed. Up to you :)

4. Let the blog(s) that you have chosen know that you have given them this award and share the instructions with them- (please don’t alter the instructions or the badge!)

5. Come over and say hello to the originator of the “The I’m NOT Featured On Freshly Pressed Award” via this link: http://DonCharisma.org/2014/01/01/the-im-not-featured-on-freshly-pressed-award

6. And as a winner of the award- please add a link back to the blog that presented you with this award, and then PROUDLY display the award on your blog.

7. If you ever do get officially “Freshly Pressed” then take down this award badge and display the official “Freshly Pressed” badge instead.

Liebster Award Nomination (Free From Him)

Thank you to yokatie.wordpress.com for nominating me for the Liebster award 🙂

I am very grateful that one person takes the time to read my blog let alone any more.

So in answer to your questions Katie:

1) Why do you blog?

Very simple. Because I have to. I have to finally tell the truth I have hidden all my life. I have to feel free to speak the words I have always kept a secret. Blogging has saved me in more ways than anything ever has.

2) When was the last time you did something crazy, or extraordinary?

Risk taking, unfortunately, is something I rarely do. I probably took more risks when I was living with my abuser, after all, I had experienced fear in every form. What was a few more risks? Mmmm, it’s a tough one. The last time I did anything extraordinary or crazy had to be at school when fear and inhibitions did not exist. I suppose this is a question I hope I can answer five years down the line with something impressive to wow you all!

3) Would you consider doing yoga?

Yes! I would. My best friend has recently taken a yoga teaching course in India, she encourages me all the time to start. With my Asian background, I’m almost betraying my culture by not! My father, the abuser, used to rave about Yoga but thankfully, I hadn’t seen him do any since I was a child, otherwise he would have put me off it. My mother is an avid Yoga enthusiast and talks about how wonderful it is for your mental state.

4) What do you love?

A list seems appropriate, unless you want this answer to be everlasting!

Crisp winter mornings, walking alone through the streets of London, a cup of Earl Grey tea in my favourite mug, admiring that unreachable designer bag, trying on hats, laughing till I ache, dreaming of flying, David holding my hand, my job, being respected, loyalty, dancing like I don’t care, margaritas, the sun on my face, singing when nobody’s listening, French bread and butter, olives, music that makes me cry, Chelsea boots, girls who get me, being able to breathe.

It’s funny because I never thought I would find it easy to say the things I love, it seems so seamless to take about the things I hate.

5) If you had nothing to do, every day for a year, what would motivate you to get up? Anything?

One word. Blogging. Blogging would motivate me. That and the blue sky beaming through the leaves and into my room. Blue sky can make anything better.

6) Have you ever held a chicken?

No! I can guarantee I wouldn’t be able to catch one either!

7) When was the last time you star gazed?

I used to do this with my sister when we were younger. She loved astronomy and we spent lots of time looking at and identifying the stars together. I loved these moments when life was innocent, before it all went wrong.

8) When was the last time you used the word ‘beautiful’?

When I described my nephew. My sister in law’s baby is three months old but I haven’t met him yet. I have seen pictures and he is beautiful. I think all babies are beautiful. I look forward to the day I have my own.

9) What is your favourite TV show? Band?

I don’t really have a favourite but I enjoy “Never Mind the Buzzcocks” – a music panel show that is hilarious. I’ve sort of grown up with it. I loved “Dead Set” which was a satirical Channel 4 series about a zombie outbreak on the Big Brother house, written by Charlie Brooker (who is a genius in my husband’s eyes). Favourite band is too tough to answer! I’m a song lover (thank god for iTunes!). To name a few: Locked out of Heaven – Bruno Mars, The Scientist – Coldplay, You can do it – Ice Cube, Red – Daniel Merriweather, Around the World – Daft Punk, Go your own Way – Fleetwood Mac, Work – Iggy Azalea, You and I – Lady Gaga, Parachute – Cheryl Cole, Mirrors – Justin Timberlake, People Help the People – Birdie, The Only Exception – Paramore.

10) Where do you feel like you belong?

I do not feel as though I have a place in society, in the world. My identity has disappeared and I feel as though it would make no difference if I was walking this earth or not. The abuser took all that away from me. I do not have a sense of belonging any more. I long to feel like that. The only place that I feel safe is in my mother’s arms.

I am also passing this nomination thread to others as there are so many wonderful bloggers out there suffering in the same way. Here are my ten questions for you:

  1. What do you admire about yourself?
  2. What would be your last meal?
  3. When was the last time you felt angry?
  4. What makes you laugh?
  5. What is your greatest fear?
  6. If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?
  7. Why did you start blogging?
  8. Is there anything in life you regret?
  9. What is temptation to you?
  10. Where is home?

My only nominations right now are below, their work is so touching and humbling. I urge you to read their stories.

catherinemoncada21.wordpress.com

http://masknolonger.wordpress.com