2015 – A year in Review.

Usually, at the end of each year, I do a month by month review but evidently as I have not posted as frequently this year than others, there isn’t as much in my life to review!

Makes more sense to sum up the more stand-out months that passed.

January was the first time my daughter slept through the night. This might not seem like a big deal but believe me – IT IS. She slept through which meant WE slept through. Bliss!

Needless to say it didn’t last.

March and one of the months I would rather forget. My birthday fell on the 2nd and my husband decided it would be a good time to treat me like a piece of s***. He ignored me for most of the day, sulked and generally ruined what should have been an enjoyable, relaxing time for me. Don’t think that it’s asking too much to feel good on a day where you get older is it? My husband and I hit rock bottom that month.

May was the month I chose to blog about my marriage. My broken marriage. My post https://freefromhim.wordpress.com/2015/05/19/when-history-repeats-itself/ caused a bit of a stir. It worried some friends, especially that of my husband’s. We had always come across as so right for each other. We may have been two very different people but no one ever doubted a connection. However, nobody can ever see the inner workings of a relationship nor can they truly know the person. I spend every day with my husband and when times are stressful, they’re really stressful and when things are tense, they’re incredibly tense. I can’t pretend that life is going smoothly when it’s falling apart. I’ve done that before and I suffered terribly for keeping it a secret. As a promise to myself, I vowed not to hide away from pain, be upfront about it and then at least it’ll be in the open. Some cannot understand my logic but that’s fine. I don’t look for agreement as it is solely my life and my choices I only ask for no negative comments. Nothing is gained from that.

Sadly in July I would receive a stream of negative comments from people I didn’t know, all condemning me for berating my husband so publicly. It upset me and I know I should not have let it. It led me to defend myself which I also know I didn’t need to do. I just hate being backed into a corner or accused of behaving in a way I haven’t. Why when we speak up about suffering or hurt we are sentenced to a term of judgement and verbal punishment? I experienced the same sorts of abuse when I posted about my father. It’s so hypocritical – you speak up and speak frankly – you are a nasty wife who is exposing your “fragile” husband or you keep shut and hide away – you have led yourself into that situation and you should have walked away earlier…..

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

September saw my daughter reach her 1st birthday. My little premature bird of a baby whose tiny fingers once wrapped around one of mine, made it to her biggest milestone. She not only made it but smashed through every expectation and want we could have had for her. I gush about her a lot. I know. But seriously – she amazes me! She’s so sparky and curious and has her own way about things already. Children are so beautiful. She is so beautiful and after everything, every stress, every heartache, she reminds me what true happiness is.

November marked the month where my husband returned to work. He had been unemployed on and off for around seven months. An especially long and frightening time as I had also given up my job to look after our daughter. It was an incredibly difficult decision as I was aware my husband’s project work was coming to an end and there was always going to be a risk of unemployment. Foolishly and probably wanting to in some way, I believed my husband when he assured me he’d find work within the following month.

He didn’t and thus followed a very stressful time.

I look on it differently now and have done since September. I began to cherish the time he had with our daughter. What father gets to spend seven months with their baby in it’s first year? It rarely happens. My husband had an opportunity to nurture his daughter in those crucial months and witness her grow so beautifully. One thing I always wanted for her was a close relationship with both her parents. Not clinging to one as she’s passed to another. My daughter does not prefer mother or father. She wants both and I am so proud of that.

Here we are at December. The year is over and once again it has gone by in a heartbeat.

I have many hopes for next year: that we move out into our own home, that my marriage strengthens, that my daughter continues to grow, thrive and amaze me, but most of all that I try to strengthen myself, think more positively and enjoy every day as a mummy.

Happy New Year everyone xx

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “2015 – A year in Review.

  1. Wow really interesting points raised here. For instance why shouldn’t you talk about your life if you choose to? We (currently) live in free countries with free speech. But then why shouldn’t others critique what you put out there in light of that same free speech?
    And what if your husband put up HIS version of events that were not the same as yours and painted YOU as the problem, but to HIM they were HIS truth, how would you feel about that? Then you might have to correct what you think he said that was wrong in another post maybe.
    So then would both of you continue to debate each others perceived failings in public in the name of free speech? Or where would you draw the line?
    On the other hand, if people don’t talk about these things publicly, how do others know that they are ‘normal’ and that others are experiencing it? For example I have experienced someone throwing a sulk-fest to rain over my big day parade before. Totally unacceptable and it’s ‘good’ to read that I was not alone.
    None of this is criticism, it is questions that were raised in my head as I read through your year and exposes the landmines we have to cross in this internet world.

    1. I agree with the points you have raised. I have no disapproval with people making comments and understand that some may be against what I am doing. All I ask is that negative and insulting language is kept out. Telling me I’m a “bad wife” or “cruel” is upsetting and unnecessary especially when I cannot express the whole story for want of not putting my entire life out for public slaughter. If my husband wanted to tell his side of the situation, I would welcome it for all I have done is speak factually about what happened. In fact he did comment on one of the posts when readers were really letting loose. He is deeply ashamed of his behaviour last year and we are now both trying to face up to the way we treated each other and work at our relationship. I talk publicly about my life for the exact reason you say. One person out there might get in touch and say they’re going through it too and that is all I need. To know I am not on my own and that what he was doing was not acceptable behaviour.

      1. It s a dangerous ‘game’ and frankly you are very brave as you pointed out about the slaughter bit. We humans are always too quick to judge people on any slither of information out there and for the subject that can be very hurtful.
        And although you will always get criticized – it is unavoidable, the bonus is as mentioned the help and realization folks like you doing the revealing bring to others. Nice one.

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