To my Father’s Family,

To my father’s family,

He was your son, Uncle, cousin and nephew. To you all, he was a good man. He pursued a life in England, climbed the ladder in his career, played the loving and later wronged husband, became a doting father and most of all, gave the impression of a well-rounded, thoughtful human being.

Unfortunately, I am about to shatter your perception of this ‘perfect’ man.

This thoughtful being was the most unthoughtful person I’ve ever known. Not only was he abusive to me but he spent the majority of his loveless marriage abusing my mother both emotionally and physically. He beat her. Violently. She did nothing to “provoke” him. He chose to hurt her. What kind of a man does that make him now? Do you still think of him as caring and loving?

To my Uncle who asked whether his brother would be having a religious, Hindu ceremony for his funeral. My sister lied. We never held anything of the sort for him and there was never any intention to do so. My father was no longer a Hindu and had not been for over fifteen years prior to his death. My sister kept up his pretence, his shame, well after his death. She was happy to deceive you and probably would continue to do so to this day. She even wrote to me and asked me not to mention it to anyone, you know the fact that he was a Christian

He was ashamed of his religion and would never have told any of you. 

It was secret for many years.

But it is time you found out the truth.

I cannot empathise. He never fully embraced Christianity. He certainly followed an odd set of beliefs too. I myself, having been to a Church of England Primary School and now working in a Faith School, have seen what true Christianity is. My father’s beliefs were not from the Christian faith that I know. It was evangelistic and critical. It was homophobic and racist. Ultimately, it was frightening.

He had become a robot regularly preaching psalms to me, spouting biblical nonsense at me. His life centred around his church. His funeral took place at his church. This devoted Christian man received a very surreal send off. I watched as they praised him for his integrity and wept at the loss of such a wonderful considerate man.

I did not weep.

I was happy. I am happy. I am happy that he is dead.

This man destroyed my life. He was the soul reason I hated myself for many years. He controlled, manipulated, abused, insulted, defamed, lectured, bullied, threatened, tortured and emotionally battered me for sixteen years.

This wonderful person did not deserve a place on this earth.

To anyone who thinks he is in heaven right now…………….

He is swimming in hell.

 

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4 thoughts on “To my Father’s Family,

  1. I sometimes entertain a fantasy that I am at my father’s funeral and I get up to speak. I tell everyone present what a horrible man he was and reveal what he did to me. In my vision a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders and I am finally free. Sadly, he’s not all that old and is in good health as far as I know 🙂

    1. The time will come honey. I regret not saying it all there and then but I know I would have been removed from the church as soon as I uttered the word abuse. I wanted to witness the sham for all it was. All those people there to love and mourn him. It was a joke. What a release it could be for you, I hope that you one day will have the chance to reveal it all x

  2. I’m never quite sure what to say when an abusive family member dies. I imagine it felt phony hearing people praise this person when all you want to say is “I’m Free…” So many around these people are either deceived, or they are living with blinders on in a constant state of denial. Thank you for sharing this💜💙

    1. Totally. Everyone who loved him is in a state of denial. I would understand if he was a social, confident and charming man but he wasn’t. He was critical and angry and found fault in everyone. Yet, they all fell for his act. He was the wronged and “betrayed” husband who had an unruly, selfish daughter to contend with. I was very aware of the eyes burning through me at his funeral. The ones who knew of me, had very low opinions about me from the lies he had spread over the years.

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