Self-indulgent Bullshit.

Luckily on WordPress there are filters. Thankfully – there are filters. Unfortunately, you may attract some haters, people that are looking to make a point, to insult and patronise. People who believe they know what counts as “abuse”, that it is as black and white as being slapped across the face. Well it isn’t. I may have not suffered physical violence. I may not have been slapped across the face. However, unless you yourself has suffered from abuse, you cannot dare to comment on what I have been through. To the rude man who decided to comment on my last post, my life, my past is just that. It is mine. If you do not agree with it then do not read it. I am not playing a victim. I do not want that label. I set out on my own journey last year and I do not have to justify it to you – a total stranger. You clearly have no idea what emotional abuse is.

My photos are only a small element of my past. I am not ungrateful for having a life. Everyone is ‘allowed’ to look back. I do not compare myself to anyone else. I am not belittling other’s abuse nor am I expecting anyone’s sympathy or “pity” as you so kindly say. Other survivors on WordPress have been incredibly supportive. They (having experienced it themselves) understand. They can see through the darkness. YOU however, will remain hidden from the light in your miserable little world, looking for someone to attack and criticise for your own personal gain.

Perhaps you have been abused yourself. I hope not. I do not wish that on anyone.

My photos are a part of my old life. My “basic human right” was to eat, not to have a cooker. Clearly that needed to be spelled out to you. Of course food is a human right and obviously there are many people in this world who cannot access that. I am not comparing myself to them. I am born and bred in the Western world. My life would always have been different to theirs abuse or no abuse.

My father had a history of abuse. He terrorised my mother for thirty years. He was a very generous man, so generous that not only did he emotionally abuse her, he battered her too! The man was clever, he learnt his lessons, he never touched me. How lucky for me (!) You are a weak human being. A troll. You do not know me yet you feel free to, behind your computer shielded from view, manipulate my words and condemn my truth. Good luck on your quest to break someone. You haven’t succeeded here.

Now tell me WordPress readers, from the rudeness of this stranger:

Am I “undermining the voices of the real victims of abuse”?

Oh and cheers for your bright and breezy comment that my life is “self-indulgent bullshit”. You really are a pleasant man.

We appreciate frankness from those who like us. Frankness from others is called insolence.
Andre Maurois

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12 thoughts on “Self-indulgent Bullshit.

  1. Life of emotional and mental abuse is just as bad as the other if not worse. Bruises go away but the emotional and mental abuse stays with you for the rest of your life I know I’ve lived now I am free

    1. Thank you. I cannot believe there are still so many narrow minded people out there. This stranger probably didn’t deserve a reply but I could not remain silent. I have encountered men like this before, women even. I have no physical scars, no doctor’s notes or ‘evidence’ against my Dad. I have my life experience and I will not be made to feel like my pain was nothing. He did abuse me, he made my life hell. I am also free. Thankfully, I am free.

      1. I too have life experiences, women do mentally abuse, it has taken me a life time to get where I am and able to not second guess myself, because of mental and emotional abuse. I now live in the country away from everything and started anew with my dogs and myself free from him and my past. People dont understand until they experience the life for themselves

      2. Yes. I do that all the time, second guessing. It does not help when a stranger questions and undermines my words either. I am stronger than him as I would never question someone else’s life and past. Everyone is entitled to speak their truths. I am glad that you are free and living a much happier life. x

      3. I am just doing another post, I am another year older today and have done a lot of thinking where I have come from and where I am going. In a few short years the amount that I have accomplished after being down trodden for a long..61 today I walked out on 35 yrs of d.v 4 yrs ago I don’t put it up very often or disclose it. You will understand my post.

  2. See, this is why it can be so hard for abuser survivors to not only come forward but heal. No one has a right to judge you or devalue you or dismiss what you went through. Verbal and emotional abuse are the worst form, I believe, because they are so insidiously cruel and the effects they have on you can stay with you for your entire life. The bruises and red marks fade. The black eyes go away. Swelling, cuts, welts, and broken bones, those, too, all heal. The words, the yelling, the threats… the way it brings about an emotional death is malicious and heartless.

    What makes what I went through any more important that what happened to you or someone else? Extenuating circumstances aside, I don’t look at the type, frequency, severity and rate it before I allow myself to consider it abuse. If you are being devalued, verbally, sexually, or physically assaulted, bullied, brainwashed, manipulated, lied to, cheated on, stolen from, threatened, harassed, stalked (and so much more), IT IS ABUSE. It comes down to the very simple fact that you were violated by one of the people who was charged with protecting and nurturing you. IT WAS ABUSE.

    VERBAL ABUSE IS ABUSE. EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS ABUSE. And both serve as the inroad to every other form of abuse that follows. And the manner in which these things were said to you in and of themselves is abusive. Bullying, dismissing, insulting / berating. trying to silence what you need to get out? Why should you not share your story? A better way to use your words when commenting would be in a way that BUILDS UP AND ENCOURAGES.

    My dear friend…. evidence? You don’t need evidence over and beyond what you have… what you carry on your heart and in your mind every day that you live. That emotional hurt and confusion… is real. AND SO IS THE BEHVAVIOR THAT CAUSED IT. Know why? BECAUSE IT WAS ABUSE!

    1. Thank you Amy. It’s amazing how short-sighted and abusive this stranger was. He is clearly very angry and his comment was very telling. I wrote this piece immediately after reading his insults. Some have said that I should have let it be and that this is what happens when you post your story so publicly. However, public or not, we should not have to be faced with such abhorrence and judgement. Our experiences have been questioned many times before. Usually from our abusers. I wanted to respond. To show and say that I will not stand for it. Mocking me will not change the past. I have not lied nor do I expect “attention” for my story (as he so politely put it). Just because I am not on the edge of my life right now does not mean that I have never felt like rock bottom. I am talking about this several years after it happened. Thank you for your never ending support too. 🙂

  3. Emotional abuse cuts deep, because it undermines our self-worth and sense of self, and that can be extremely destructive. Anyone who imagines emotional abuse – particularly from those in a position of trust (like a father!) – has no impact really doesn’t understand the dynamics of abuse. It is voices like yours Ros, that help raise much-needed awareness. Please keep doing what you are doing 🙂

  4. Good on you for confronting him, and standing up for yourself. One of the most painful things about being emotionally abused IS that it doesn’t leave visible bruises. We can be bleeding on the inside and no one can see. Not to be believed or to be discounted for having the courage to break the silence is abuse again. I found your blog in googling is being accused of crying too much as being self indulgent emotional abuse. As I have just been accused of this by a therapist. I left the session feeling such a pain in my heart. Especially since I had opened myself right up. Anyway I just wanted to show my support for your bravery and courage in speaking about your journey. All the best.

    1. Get rid of your therapist immediately. I cried every day for twelve years living with my abuser. In all honesty, the tears have only recently dried up and he’s been dead for two years. You shouldn’t have to justify how you feel and how the abuse has affected you. It is your human right to cry and thank god to be honest that you have that as an outlet. Your therapist should be praising you for releasing it. Cry all you like. I really feel it helped me. My father constantly told me I was heartless and cold. At least through my pain and tears, I could see he was wrong. Thinking of you. Ros x

  5. Thank you for your reply, Ros. I came down with a really bad flu just after posting to your blog. I so agree about tears. Can we ever cry too much? But I guess to stop some of the tears sometimes we have to make sure we have less contact with these hurtful, toxic people. But yes, tears show us the way into what we really went through. Thank you so much for your words. I am so glad you have the strength to shed yours. Love Deborah

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