Thank you to yokatie.wordpress.com for nominating me for the Liebster award 🙂
I am very grateful that one person takes the time to read my blog let alone any more.
So in answer to your questions Katie:
1) Why do you blog?
Very simple. Because I have to. I have to finally tell the truth I have hidden all my life. I have to feel free to speak the words I have always kept a secret. Blogging has saved me in more ways than anything ever has.
2) When was the last time you did something crazy, or extraordinary?
Risk taking, unfortunately, is something I rarely do. I probably took more risks when I was living with my abuser, after all, I had experienced fear in every form. What was a few more risks? Mmmm, it’s a tough one. The last time I did anything extraordinary or crazy had to be at school when fear and inhibitions did not exist. I suppose this is a question I hope I can answer five years down the line with something impressive to wow you all!
3) Would you consider doing yoga?
Yes! I would. My best friend has recently taken a yoga teaching course in India, she encourages me all the time to start. With my Asian background, I’m almost betraying my culture by not! My father, the abuser, used to rave about Yoga but thankfully, I hadn’t seen him do any since I was a child, otherwise he would have put me off it. My mother is an avid Yoga enthusiast and talks about how wonderful it is for your mental state.
4) What do you love?
A list seems appropriate, unless you want this answer to be everlasting!
Crisp winter mornings, walking alone through the streets of London, a cup of Earl Grey tea in my favourite mug, admiring that unreachable designer bag, trying on hats, laughing till I ache, dreaming of flying, David holding my hand, my job, being respected, loyalty, dancing like I don’t care, margaritas, the sun on my face, singing when nobody’s listening, French bread and butter, olives, music that makes me cry, Chelsea boots, girls who get me, being able to breathe.
It’s funny because I never thought I would find it easy to say the things I love, it seems so seamless to take about the things I hate.
5) If you had nothing to do, every day for a year, what would motivate you to get up? Anything?
One word. Blogging. Blogging would motivate me. That and the blue sky beaming through the leaves and into my room. Blue sky can make anything better.
6) Have you ever held a chicken?
No! I can guarantee I wouldn’t be able to catch one either!
7) When was the last time you star gazed?
I used to do this with my sister when we were younger. She loved astronomy and we spent lots of time looking at and identifying the stars together. I loved these moments when life was innocent, before it all went wrong.
8) When was the last time you used the word ‘beautiful’?
When I described my nephew. My sister in law’s baby is three months old but I haven’t met him yet. I have seen pictures and he is beautiful. I think all babies are beautiful. I look forward to the day I have my own.
9) What is your favourite TV show? Band?
I don’t really have a favourite but I enjoy “Never Mind the Buzzcocks” – a music panel show that is hilarious. I’ve sort of grown up with it. I loved “Dead Set” which was a satirical Channel 4 series about a zombie outbreak on the Big Brother house, written by Charlie Brooker (who is a genius in my husband’s eyes). Favourite band is too tough to answer! I’m a song lover (thank god for iTunes!). To name a few: Locked out of Heaven – Bruno Mars, The Scientist – Coldplay, You can do it – Ice Cube, Red – Daniel Merriweather, Around the World – Daft Punk, Go your own Way – Fleetwood Mac, Work – Iggy Azalea, You and I – Lady Gaga, Parachute – Cheryl Cole, Mirrors – Justin Timberlake, People Help the People – Birdie, The Only Exception – Paramore.
10) Where do you feel like you belong?
I do not feel as though I have a place in society, in the world. My identity has disappeared and I feel as though it would make no difference if I was walking this earth or not. The abuser took all that away from me. I do not have a sense of belonging any more. I long to feel like that. The only place that I feel safe is in my mother’s arms.
I am also passing this nomination thread to others as there are so many wonderful bloggers out there suffering in the same way. Here are my ten questions for you:
- What do you admire about yourself?
- What would be your last meal?
- When was the last time you felt angry?
- What makes you laugh?
- What is your greatest fear?
- If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?
- Why did you start blogging?
- Is there anything in life you regret?
- What is temptation to you?
- Where is home?
My only nominations right now are below, their work is so touching and humbling. I urge you to read their stories.