The title of a poem I discovered.
A poem that was dated, 28/08/00. I was eighteen years of age. Proof that the unhappiness inside of me was growing and that my despair was beginning to get a release. It may not be the most complicated of poems but the innocence is clear.
If I could do it all again
I’d be someone else
get a chance
forget the past and live properly
with excitement round every corner,
opportunities through every window.
I’d remain a mystery.
Wish every day and never stop dreaming,
I’d go crazy with no cares
Put myself first yet still think of others
Sing. Dance. Be happy.
Every day would be a new day, a fresh start.
An opening to a new world.
Life would be worth it,
worth the struggles, the hassles,
worth the pain.
Happiness would shine through
Happiness would win.
All it does is confirm how positive I kept myself through the misery. I had no one to turn to at 18. My mother and sister still had their bond and still looked down at me. My father was in the depths of his abuse, becoming more intolerant of me and growing with hatred towards his daughter. Yet this poem talks of happiness and hope.
Where did I lose the positivity? When did I lose the love for myself?
My father destroyed all the good feelings I had. And I hate him for that.