2. How to tie my shoelaces.

Is it ridiculous that I can’t remember being taught how to tie my shoelaces? I know most people can’t remember back that far so how can I be sure my parents didn’t teach me? I spent many years wondering who taught me the simplest of things. Routines that are methodical as you get older like brushing your teeth and washing your hair to shaving your legs or applying make-up. I just cannot remember ever being taught these things.

There were more important worries in our home, mostly my mother’s plans to escape and destroy my father. I never felt important in my family. I faded into the background most of the time unless I was causing them trouble or seeking attention.

I don’t remember being informed about periods either. I have memories of my first time at school aged twelve and panicking about it but I had no real prior knowledge concerning it before it happened. I was always expected to know. They always expected so much from me. My mother did not sit me down and sympathize or give me advice for the future, I had to deal with it. I remember a leaflet had been given by the doctors regarding periods and that was pretty much all the information I had. It is a very scary time in a girl’s life especially for someone sheltered from reality. I just needed some guidance.

In a chat about the past with my mother recently, I mentioned about the laces. My mum laughed that I do my shoelaces differently to her. She joked that I “need to learn how to tie my laces properly!”. I was horrified at her casual remark. I was a thirty one year old woman confiding in something upsetting and she mocked me. My sister ties her laces the same way my mother does which prompts me to believe that she was taught this. I however, tie mine in a bow – like a child. It’s embarrassing and upsetting and I do not wish to be laughed at. Why do they always laugh at me? She cannot understand why these little things still affect me. I suppose when you are given no answers, you question everything.

I don’t know who taught me to tie my shoelaces. I just know it wasn’t my family.

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