Someone questioned my “motives” today for this blog.
I instantly felt like a criminal as though I was doing something wrong. All I could do was smile. Smile to mask the tears I could feel rising.
My decision to publish my story was greatly challenged and the person in question seemed unconvinced by my response.
Was I seeking revenge? And if I was; then it wasn’t very nice.
Immediately, my answer was “No”.
It wasn’t enough.
I was then asked whether I was aiming to help people through my words. Of course I want to reach someone and know that my story is affecting people in a positive way. That they feel they are not alone, that we can relate to each other.
As for revenge: I can’t deny that I do not want expose Him, I do. I want the world to know what he did to me. How he stole my life from me and left me with a heap of anxieties and faults within myself. But revenge seems so seedy, so spiteful and that is not a word I would use to describe myself. After all, I am not the first person to expose an abusive parent. Why shouldn’t I voice it?
I have every right.
I know this person meant no harm, they were entitled to their opinion. I just wasn’t expecting such brutal honesty without the slightest touch of empathy.
However, this was not the first time I had encountered it. In fact, I have had to deal with a couple of confused and doubtful people with a much harsher view on my intentions.
Do not listen to the people who are quick to judge you. They cannot understand your pain. They never will. Their life is easy and small, they cannot comprehend that something so shocking can happen to anyone they know. Their immediate reaction is to question and interrogate. You know your story and you know it is true. To those of you who have told me to my face that my blog is “interesting”; please stop reading it. “Interesting” is possibly the most insulting word to describe it. Shocking; maybe, sad; probably. But I would not sum up the last fifteen years as “interesting”.
Thank you to the followers and the readers who truly appreciate struggle and the ability to express emotions without judgement or question. Thank you to the readers who just read it. Thank you to the positive comments and support from the complete strangers who are slowly becoming friends.