Remember his rules.

I cannot tell you how many rules were put upon me living with my father. Not boundaries, he had no boundaries, he constantly over-stepped the mark, just rules, endless, unachievable rules that followed me, haunted me every day in my father’s company.

One day I carelessly left the television on stand-by. As I returned home from work I noticed his car was in the drive way. I opened the front door and called out to him but there was no reply. I took off my coat and walked upstairs. It was silent. As I reached my bedroom I saw a figure with his back to me. Before he turned he spoke and pointed,

“What is this?”

I looked in the direction of his finger at the T.V. It had been left on stand-by and not turned off at the mains. How could I forget? My heart was racing.

“Well?” his voice sharpened.

Calmly and honestly I speak the truth saying it was a mistake and I forgot this morning. How could I have been so stupid?

Facing me he shouted “You always forget! Every day you forget!”

A sigh of disbelief shot out through a narrow smile.

“Are you mocking me?” he raged.

Occasionally I would get so angry that my fury would be released and I could not control it like normal. I began to defend myself and criticise him. That he always does this. Nit-picking, bringing up incidents from years ago, finding constant faults, at twenty seven I felt it was right to speak up. Again it made me laugh, only this time, louder.

At once my father made a short sharp noise. Not loud enough for the neighbours to hear but for me to feel terrified. I quickly ran downstairs as he followed swiftly behind. He muttered several things like how all I ever did was answer him back, that I was insolent and rude. I ran to the kitchen, there was nowhere else to go. The only option was to get into the garden where I could be heard and he would back down.

“Shut that door! You dare taunt me!!” he threatened through gritted teeth with his hand raised above my face.

“HIT ME!!!” I screamed.

He was silent and calm. He lowered his hand, let out a nasty smirk and left.

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3 thoughts on “Remember his rules.

  1. i felt that, the fear, pain, and heartache as i read that, your father is not unlike mine. i wish i would have thought to go to where people could witness his behaviour. i’m so sorry you lived with that. xo

    1. Although I took it to the garden, I was unable to get out of the house completely. As much as you want the world to know, you also fear the revelation too, that and the embarrassment that you had chosen that life as an adult. I’m sorry you have suffered too at the hand of an abusive father. x

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