For some reason, after the divorce, I was told by my mother and my sister that I had to ‘win’ back my family.
I had offended and hurt a lot of people from choosing to live with my father. Mostly my mother and my sister. They felt betrayed by my decision.
I hated this idea. I thought it was my mother’s duty to always love me and never use it as a tool or weapon. I hadn’t committed a crime yet I was being treated like a criminal. Looking back, it was so wrong to punish a sixteen year old girl for wanting to please her father. After all, my mother did have my sister by her side.
As soon as the holiday in America was over, I realised what kind of man my father really was. All the years of defending him and seeing my mother and sister as liars were turned upside down. The truth was out. Discovering it and revealing it only got me a barrage of “I told you so”. I longed for support and reassurance and instead I received constant criticism and verbal attacks on the terrible betrayal I had made.
Winning back their love was proving difficult.
My sister refused to forgive me and as I spent more time building back a relationship with my mother she began to resent that too. She put restrictions on what my mother could say to me or do with me. She rarely cuddled me or showed affection (something I was desperately aching for). She would never openly admit she loved me. It was my ‘job’ to show them love.
It was a difficult and confusing time for me. Home life with my father was horrific and time with my mother was not much better.
It took several years of hard work to piece my relationship with my mother back to some normality and in all honesty, I truly believe it has only been in the last five years that I have felt we have a trusting, loving mother and daughter bond.
Why did my sister have so much power over my mother? Why did my mother allow it? It seemed like she went from one control with my father to another control with my sister.
My relationship with my sister however has never returned to a loving one. However it never was to begin with.
I could never win back her love.
“Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations” – Wikipedia